One evening, about 15 years ago, I came home from work in the pouring rain. My colleague and I were car pooling. While dropping me off, I dashed out from the car, pulled open the gate in the blinding & pouring rain and dashed into the house. Because it was raining cats and dogs, I must have failed to close the gate properly or I must have not bothered to, in my haste to get out of the rain.
After about 15 minutes, I heard a car screeched loudly in front of my house, and then I heard the most horrifying bang in my life, followed by a painful howl from my dog – Odie. Realizing what must have happened, horror and fear set in my heart. I called out to my brothers, tears started to flow down my face, and I told them that it’s most probably our dog that just got hit.
In the rain, my brothers went out to inspect and true enough, they came back telling me that Odie just got hit badly by a car. He’s still alive, but probably won’t be for long. My tears flowed like the waterfall that evening, my heart hurt like it was being stabbed time and time again. I couldn’t bear to bring myself to take a look at him. My brothers kept calling his name, and about half hour later, they told me that he’s gone. They buried him behind our house.
I have never been able to forget Odie’s painful death, and even as I am typing, my tears are flowing like it has never before. This is a delicate incident in my life that I have always refused to dwell in coz it hurts too much just thinking about. My heart broke to a million pieces that night when he left us in that heart wrenching situation, and I don’t think it has ever recovered from it. I can truly understand how it feels when people say their heart bleeds.
I have done numerous self and soul searching session before, and in those times, I remember leaving behind all my sorrows and painful memories; all except one. This one.
For the past few months and especially tonight, I let my mind replay over and over, the scenes of that night in the rain, the awful and horrifying images & sounds which I’ve kept lid tight all these years, while I let my tears flow freely. It’s time I make my peace with myself, it’s time that I let him go. It’s not easy of course, but I guess it has to happen in order for me to move on with life.
(This composition was written over a period of one year in the form of journal, it is only recently that I decided to have it posted here)